Don't Call Me at All
by amsterdamn
Summary: "Now I'm haunted by all these holes found in my armor and if my heart beats any harder I will lose it" Small one-shot of Sirius and Remus in 6th year. One-sided


"So, who do think is the hottest?" Sirius asked the group.

"Out of the Ravenclaws?" James said thinking. "That's tough."

"Not really. I'm pretty sure Lyra and Jane are at the top of the list," Sirius said back.

"Della is pretty hot," Peter added.

Remus hated this game. Once they figured out their top five, whoever got with one would win. It didn't mean sex, or even kissing for that matter. Just spend at least an hour with the person. No harm done, but sometimes it can go wrong. Remus tried it once and ended up in a relationship for two months until he had to tell her off. After that he never did it again.

"Remus, you have to add at least one girl to the list," Sirius said to him.

Remus sighed. "I don't know," he told them simply.

"Doesn't work that way Moony," James said this time. "Pick at least one Ravenclaw girl."

Remus chose to ignore them. After spending five years with people you learn how to get them to stop bothering you. All Remus had to do was not respond and they'd give up on whatever they needed.

"He's doing the thing again," Peter said.

"Come on Remus, don't ruin the fun," Sirius whined.

"I bet he's got a girl in mind and doesn't want to tell us. Don't worry mate. We wouldn't do something like that to you," James told him.

James was sort of right, in a sense. Remus did have words to say, but didn't want to speak them. There truly wasn't a single ravenclaw girl he was interested in, and as of lately, he couldn't think of a single girl he was interested in. The thought of being gay was very confusing for him. He most likely was, but didn't plan to admit to it. He'd rather keep it a secret, until they figure it out. The found out he was a werewolf in two years, Remus was sure they would figure out sooner or later.

* * *

It was the night before the marauders' started their sixth year of Hogwarts. Remus kept in contact with his friends mostly via owls. At least three times they had a get together at James, since Sirius now lived there, and was the middle point of everyone's houses. Even though Sirius lived with James, Remus felt he and Sirius got closer over the summer. Anytime James wrote to Remus was just connect to Sirius' letter. Remus felt something a bit more than friendship when he thought of Sirius.

Remus switched his position on his bed and buried his face in to his pillow. The last thing he needed was to be crushing on his friend. Remus started playing with thoughts in his head. Him and Sirius dating and it's all grand and glory. Then something comes up and Sirius feels the need to break up. Remus felt his eyes starting to water, he knew better than play these fantasies in his head, but his mind continued. What if one time Remus isn't locked up correctly during a full moon? What if Sirius was to get hurt because of Remus?

Remus now felt the tears streaming down his face. He wiped them away with his hand. A new year of school was starting tomorrow. He was going to be a prefect, all though his friends' thought that was pretty lame, Remus liked the idea. It made him feel trusted within the school. He sighed again, he was grateful to have friends and be in a school of liked people, but it was hard. It's a pain to be a gay teenage werewolf. Remus closed his eyes and ended the thoughts of sorrow. Tomorrow he'll start new.

* * *

"Oh Jamie, you know I am the most datable person here," Sirius argued with James at the Great Hall table.

"Just because you snogged like, six muggle girls this summer doesn't mean shit," James spouted back.

"You're just jealous because none wanted to snog you," Sirius said in return.

"Unlike you, I'd like an actual relationship. No kiss and forget," James started muttering towards the end. Everyone could tell the atmosphere had changed. James' comment was too real.

Remus stood up to leave for a prefect meeting. Hopefully he could change the air a little. "Sirius, if it makes you feel any better, your only flaw is that you're flawless," Remus said on a whim with a small laugh.

"Knew you'd have my back Moony." Sirius winked at him. Remus just smiled as a you're welcome. He smiled nearly the whole way there, the wink made him feel so good.

Sirius did the same thing. He kept replaying what Remus said to him over and over in his head. He wondered if Remus had just said that to make him feel better or if he actually meant it. Plenty of people complimented Sirius on a day to day basis, but he wasn't to sure if they meant it or were just saying it. Growing up in a house for 16 years where you are constantly told you're worth nothing takes a toll on you. Sirius frowned and looked down at his hands. He knew most of the things he did was more or less an act. He knew he was full of shit and was always surprised at how Remus would forgive him. Especially after the act with Severus, where Sirius almost got him killed and made Remus a murderer. Of course, that was old news now and everyone had gotten over it, except Sirius, and probably Severus. He didn't feel any remorse for Snape, but to Remus he felt tons.

Whenever Sirius started to feel bad for himself he would push away the thoughts. He'd calmly tell himself that he didn't care or that it didn't matter to him. In all honesty though, he probably cared the most of his friends well beings than most out of the four.

Later on, a few hours past curfew Sirius went over and got on his knees next to Remus' bed. "Remus buddy, wake up," Sirius said softly, but loud enough to wake up Remus. All Remus did was shift slightly on his bed. Sirius pushed his friends shoulder. "Moony wake up," he spoke a bit louder this time.

"What?" Remus replied groggily.

"Come on, we are going somewhere."

"What do you and James have planned?" Remus asked rubbing his eyes.

"No James. Just you and me," Sirius spoke back. Remus was intrigued now, rarely was it ever him and Sirius sneaking out. Remus got up and Sirius lead him out of the common room.

"Where are we going?" Remus asked.

"Room of Requirements," Sirius said. Remus thought it was interesting that Sirius wanted to go to such a secluded spot. He thought they would have just ended up getting food at the kitchen. "One time James and I went in to the Room of Requirements and the only thing in there was a bed," Sirius laughed. "Don't know if it was me or James who required it, but it was awkward. We haven't gone back since."

Remus laughed as well, "Do you plan to do the same with me?"

"I hope not, but if a bed does appear I'm blaming it on you." They both walked in and the room had two arm chairs and a guitar inside it. Remus was relieved that there was no bed, but a slight bit disappointed.

Sirius went over and grabbed the guitar, "I wrote a song for you."

Remus was taken aback, he didn't expect this to happen. "Uh, thanks."

"Come sit down," Sirius told him. "Do you know how to read music by chance?"

"More or less, I used to play piano when I was younger."

"Good, because I can't. I wrote this song then had some hufflepuff kid translate in to actual notes so you can follow along with the lyrics," Sirius explained handing Remus a couple sheets of paper.

"Aren't you going to sing? I'm sure your voice is great," Remus smiled at him.

"No. I'm saving us both the embarrassment," Sirius laughed. Remus skimmed through the sheets and picked up on a few words.

"Is this song about dying?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, I wrote a song about us drowning. Get ready," Sirius said and started his song. Remus followed along with the sheets of music. He could tell the hufflepuff got a few notes wrong but ignored it. Remus was slightly hoping for a love song, even though he'd have no idea how to react to such. A song about dying with your best friend is also something he couldn't comprehend as well. The music sounded great though and flowed well with the lyrics in Remus' head.

The song ended and they were both quiet for a moment. "I loved it," Remus spoke. "How long have you been playing the guitar?"

"Around 10 months now," Sirius shrugged. "It's like my favorite thing right now." Remus nodded and let out a tiny yawn.

"Keep it up, you're doing really good." Remus smiled at his friend and Sirius smiled back. They both knew it was late and that they should probably get some sleep. Heading out Sirius patted Remus on the back. Remus lingered on the small touch and felt a pain in his chest. The more time he spent with Sirius the more he crushed on him.

Once back in their room, Sirius thought about all that had happened. He was for sure satisfied with his song and the fact that Remus enjoyed it. It still felt like something was missing, or that something should have happened differently. Sirius got the compliment that he needed, wasn't that enough?

A couple of months went by and Remus was still painfully crushing on Sirius. Anytime he saw him it just hurt that he couldn't have him. A small amount of people were catching on to this. Peter mentioned one time that Remus was looking at Sirius like James does Lily. After being told that Remus made a mental rule to never look at Sirius again. Of course he broke it all the time. Peter never questioned Remus or mentioned that to anyone else as far as Remus knew. Sometimes he felt like Sirius felt the same way. The small winks here and there and the small touches, it all just felt right. If his hard beat and louder when Sirius was around he would lose it.

Sirius and James approached Remus as he was studying in the library.

"Moony wait till you hear this one," James started with a huge smile on his face, but Remus tuned it out. He was looking slightly at Sirius, who had his eyes on James waiting for him to finish his part of the story. Now it was Sirius' turn to talk and he faced Remus making eye contact for under a second, since Remus turned away. Both Sirius and James were used to Remus not making eye contact while talking since he normally had his nose in a book. Remus was always able to comment about something at the end so they figured he was always listening.

Remus didn't actually catch that much. He was pretty sure he heard the word snogging but ignored it.

"And yeah, now she's my girlfriend," Sirius finished up the story with a laugh. James was also laughing. Remus heard this part and now was overly confused.

"Girlfriend?" he asked like he was surprised. Which he sure as hell was. Sirius had a girlfriend? Not only was it odd he was dating someone but Remus instantly felt his heart starting to crumble inside him.

"Yup girlfriend, and you know I'm not really the dating type. I don't know though, it feels different with her," Sirius continued on.

Remus felt like he was going to throw up, he could tell his face had probably gone pale. "I gotta go," Remus said quickly as he gathered his stuff and rush to the bathroom. He rushed inside a stall and stood there over the toilet. He didn't puke, but tears were streaming down his face. Sirius was supposed to be his, not some stupid girl's. Remus knew he shouldn't be crying like he is, or even claiming Sirius as his own. Sirius is his own person, he can do whatever he wants. It felt so real and close to Remus though, like he almost had someone to call his own. Remus grabs some toilet paper and wiped off his eyes, then blew his nose.

He wasn't sure of what he should do at this point. He had no idea where Sirius and James were, and Sirius was the last person he wanted to see right now. Remus decided to head to the Great Hall, because it was still two hours before lunch and most people had class right now. Remus opened up the book he was studying in the library to try and take his mind off things.

He was quickly interrupted by a "Remus! I found you!" Remus looked up scared to see who it was, but it was just Peter.

"I should go tell James and Sirius I found you," Peter said to him.

Remus did not want them to know where he was so he quickly spoke up to distract him, "Uh, why did they want you to find me?"

"They said you looked sick and were wondering if you were okay," Peter told him.

"Oh, that's nice of them," Remus replied. Although he didn't really mean it. He wasn't feeling to fond of either of them right now. He could tell Peter wanted to still leave and he had to change that. "Want to sit down for a while Wormtail? I'm sure they will figure out we are here sooner or later."

"Yeah, you're right. Plus I could go for something to drink," Peter said sitting down and having a glass of water appear before him. Remus went back to his book.

James and Sirius were standing in the entryway of the Great Hall scanning it. "Look there's Remus and Peter," Sirius said pointing at them.

"Huh, odd. Wormtail didn't come tell us like we asked him too," James responded.

"Remus probably convinced him to stay," Sirius added.

"Why doesn't he want to speak with us?"

"Don't know," Sirius shrugged. "I'll go handle it." Sirius walked over to the two boys.

"Hey Sirius!" Peter gleamed.

"Hey Peter, could you leave for a bit, James needs you for something," Sirius lied. Peter nodded and headed off outside of the hall. Remus didn't look up from his book or knowledge Sirius' presence. Sirius had been friends with Remus for six years, he knew how to get him to talk.

"How was your day?" Sirius asked, but no response. All he had to do was keep going through topics until Remus spoke at one. Sirius then asked about studying, test, being sick, and then mentioned his girlfriend, which was the topic Remus wanted to talk about.

"Congratulations by the way. I didn't know you two had made things so official," Remus grimaced.

"Thanks," Sirius responded, but knew Remus wasn't to happy about it. "I think me and her will last a while actually…" Sirius trailed, smiling thinking about her.

Remus stood and started gathering his stuff, while doing so he said, "Just don't call me when it fizzles. In fact, don't call me at all," and walked away.

* * *

This story was mildly a song fic based on Don't call me at all by Flatsound


End file.
